Friday, March 31, 2006
Client Care 101
A few days ago, whilst working late in the office on a file, I called the client on his mobile phone to ask a question about the case. I already knew the answer but I wanted him to know that I was working late on his case, so I called him. I also wanted him to know I was working from the office even at that hour, so I called his mobile (where caller ID would reveal a city number calling). This is a ploy I use every now and then in client relations and it works.
Most lawyers think that what makes clients happiest is good professional legal service. Strange as it may seem, that's only number 2 on the client's list of priorities. The truth is that the most important thing to clients is being assured that their lawyers care about their case and are working hard on their case.
Every client thinks his case is the most important one on their lawyer's plate. Of course, to the client, it IS the most important one because that's the client's only case (most of the time). The clients knows we work on many cases simultaneously but every client wants to know we work the hardest on his case. Best way to demonstrate that? Call him when you're working late on his file. It only takes a minute but it gets you a lot of leeway when you subsequently tell him you haven't read the documents he sent to you a week ago because you were at The Atlantis Resort in The Bahamas all week with a martini permanently in your hands when they weren't gripping a golf club, poker cards or Opus X cigar.
And while I'm at it, here are a few other simple things you can do to show your clients that you care and you're working hard (although you've spent the last fortnight in Las Vegas gaming, drinking, golfing, smoking and racking up bills close to the GDP of small nations):
1. Fire Drill Calls - When the fire alarm goes off in the building, all the secretaries jump up with glee, traipse out of the office and take a 20 minute break from their mundane work. I stay in the office and call every client I have one after another for as long as the fire alarm is going on. With each client, I have a simple conversation until they ask, "What's that noise in the background?"
And I reply, "Oh, nothing, it's just a fire alarm, but don't worry I'm still working. Now, we were talking about ...".
2. Congratulatory Calls - Every morning, I scan the newspaper for any good press about my clients. As soon as I spot something, I call to congratulate them. If it's big enough, I send flowers. I don't even have to read the articles about them in full. I just say "Hey, saw you in the papers today. Congratulations! Good press!" Works great as long as they don't reply "I'm sorry, you must be looking for my husband. He can't come to the phone right now. You might have noticed he was in the obituary section of the papers."
3. Positive Statements - In reply to client's queries, always say things like "We're looking into it right now" or "We're actively looking into it right now." The former means we've lost the file and the latter means we're trying to find it. In fact, my secretary has been instructed that as soon as she receives a fax from the opposing party, she is to forward it to clients with a cover letter saying that I am actively looking into the matter right now. The only time this didn't work was when the opposing counsel sent me a fax saying "We are actively looking into your letter of yesterday right now" and my secretary forwarded that to clients with my standard cover letter.
4. Definite Statements - Clients want to hear a "Yes, you can do this" or a "No, they can't do that". They get worried and confused when their lawyers say "On the one hand ... but on the other hand ...". If you don't actually know whether they can do what they want to do, just say "That is a definite, definite maybe. We're going to actively look into it right now. I'll call you back when the fire alarm next goes off." Doesn't matter that I'm actually in Macau on the 6th green of a world-class course making a par putt to double or wipe out all my Blackjack winnings from the previous night whilst the caddie patiently holds my martini and cigar.
Additional tips from readers are welcome!
A few days ago, whilst working late in the office on a file, I called the client on his mobile phone to ask a question about the case. I already knew the answer but I wanted him to know that I was working late on his case, so I called him. I also wanted him to know I was working from the office even at that hour, so I called his mobile (where caller ID would reveal a city number calling). This is a ploy I use every now and then in client relations and it works.
Most lawyers think that what makes clients happiest is good professional legal service. Strange as it may seem, that's only number 2 on the client's list of priorities. The truth is that the most important thing to clients is being assured that their lawyers care about their case and are working hard on their case.
Every client thinks his case is the most important one on their lawyer's plate. Of course, to the client, it IS the most important one because that's the client's only case (most of the time). The clients knows we work on many cases simultaneously but every client wants to know we work the hardest on his case. Best way to demonstrate that? Call him when you're working late on his file. It only takes a minute but it gets you a lot of leeway when you subsequently tell him you haven't read the documents he sent to you a week ago because you were at The Atlantis Resort in The Bahamas all week with a martini permanently in your hands when they weren't gripping a golf club, poker cards or Opus X cigar.
And while I'm at it, here are a few other simple things you can do to show your clients that you care and you're working hard (although you've spent the last fortnight in Las Vegas gaming, drinking, golfing, smoking and racking up bills close to the GDP of small nations):
1. Fire Drill Calls - When the fire alarm goes off in the building, all the secretaries jump up with glee, traipse out of the office and take a 20 minute break from their mundane work. I stay in the office and call every client I have one after another for as long as the fire alarm is going on. With each client, I have a simple conversation until they ask, "What's that noise in the background?"
And I reply, "Oh, nothing, it's just a fire alarm, but don't worry I'm still working. Now, we were talking about ...".
2. Congratulatory Calls - Every morning, I scan the newspaper for any good press about my clients. As soon as I spot something, I call to congratulate them. If it's big enough, I send flowers. I don't even have to read the articles about them in full. I just say "Hey, saw you in the papers today. Congratulations! Good press!" Works great as long as they don't reply "I'm sorry, you must be looking for my husband. He can't come to the phone right now. You might have noticed he was in the obituary section of the papers."
3. Positive Statements - In reply to client's queries, always say things like "We're looking into it right now" or "We're actively looking into it right now." The former means we've lost the file and the latter means we're trying to find it. In fact, my secretary has been instructed that as soon as she receives a fax from the opposing party, she is to forward it to clients with a cover letter saying that I am actively looking into the matter right now. The only time this didn't work was when the opposing counsel sent me a fax saying "We are actively looking into your letter of yesterday right now" and my secretary forwarded that to clients with my standard cover letter.
4. Definite Statements - Clients want to hear a "Yes, you can do this" or a "No, they can't do that". They get worried and confused when their lawyers say "On the one hand ... but on the other hand ...". If you don't actually know whether they can do what they want to do, just say "That is a definite, definite maybe. We're going to actively look into it right now. I'll call you back when the fire alarm next goes off." Doesn't matter that I'm actually in Macau on the 6th green of a world-class course making a par putt to double or wipe out all my Blackjack winnings from the previous night whilst the caddie patiently holds my martini and cigar.
Additional tips from readers are welcome!
Tuesday, March 14, 2006
New Cowboy Burger Recipe
Did you know that Brewerkz has a "Cowboy Burger" on their menu? In light of recent events, I think that they should make a special variant called the "Brokeback Burger". Here's the recipe:
2 All-American Beef patties held together by sour cream
A dash of BBQ sauce
Runny eggs
Vegetables as desired
Everything sandwiched between pure white buns :)
Gross? Just be thankful I'm not describing the recipe for a Brokeback Hotdog (two 9-inch sausages side-by-side ...)
Did you know that Brewerkz has a "Cowboy Burger" on their menu? In light of recent events, I think that they should make a special variant called the "Brokeback Burger". Here's the recipe:
2 All-American Beef patties held together by sour cream
A dash of BBQ sauce
Runny eggs
Vegetables as desired
Everything sandwiched between pure white buns :)
Gross? Just be thankful I'm not describing the recipe for a Brokeback Hotdog (two 9-inch sausages side-by-side ...)
Monday, March 13, 2006
5 Ways to Make Formula One More Exciting
The first race of the new F1 season took place yesterday in Bahrain. Fernando "Eyebrows" Alonso (the driver whose bushy eyebrows are almost joined together) beat Michael "Machine" Schumacher to win and taking third place was Kimi "Munchkin" Raikkonen (still too young to reach puberty and develop a personality for post race interviews).
Whilst the race did have a few good moments (Jacques "I used to be Champion but I'm actually shite" Villeneuve's fiery engine blow up comes to mind), the fact still remains that there is insufficient excitement and overtaking in F1. After all, Fernando Eyebrows' overtaking of Michael Machine only took place through a faster pit-stop which enabled him to come out of the pits fractionally ahead and take the inside line into Turn 1.
The F1 Supremos have been trying their darnest to make it more exciting for years. When Ferrari dominated, they resorted to changing the regulations for chassis, engine and tyres so drastically for the 2005 season that Ferrari's 2004 car could no longer be the basis for building the new car and thus everyone started on a level playing field. Then they switched back to Everyone-On-at-the-Same-Time Qualifying for 2006 when One-Car-At-A-Time Qualifying proved to be the most boring thing on television since Today in Parliament.
In fact, the F1 Supremos have tried everything to make the races more exciting short of giving each driver a handgun and a bottle of whiskey before each race. So I think it's time they took some outside advice on what to do. Here are my top 5 ways to make F1 more exciting:
1. Eliminate the Pit Crew
Pit stops are necessary for fuel top-ups and tyre changes. The pit crew consists of around 12 people who can change 4 tyres on an F1 car in about 5 seconds. The rest of the time is determined by how much fuel they want to put into the car but even then, an F1 car can be fully fuelled in about 12 seconds. I have nothing against pit stops but why should the driver get any help with their pit stops? If we eliminate the pit crew, we get to see the drivers doing everything themselves. Just imagine Juan "Fatso" Montoya stopping the car, getting out, changing the tyres himself 1 by 1, refuelling and then hopping back in to continue the race after stuffing his face with a chicken pie.
2. Winners Start from the Back
The same teams keep occupying the first 2 to 3 rows of the grid after qualifying sessions - normally Ferrari, Renault and McLaren. When the race starts they zoom off into the distance leaving everyone else behind. They are so evenly matched that it's nearly impossible for any one of them to overtake the other and the whole race becomes a procession from start to finish if mechanical failures don't happen or clever pit-stop strategy doesn't come into play. If we want to see more overtaking, we should take the first 8 cars from the previous race (i.e. the points scorers) and start them from the back of the grid in the next race. That way, they'll have to overtake all the losers of the previous race before they can get into points scoring positions again. It's called "charging through the field" and it's exciting to watch.
Back in the days when Michael Machine was winning everything, it was suggeted that he should start the next race from the pit lane. Of the previous race venue.
3. Introduce Cultural Flavours to Each Race
Instead of each race being essentially the same, the cultural characteristics of each country the race is held in should be taken into account to make each race unique. Here are some examples:
Indianapolis, USA - When cruising through the pit lane, drive by shootings of stationary cars doing their pit stops is allowed.
Montreal, Canada - All pit to driver communications must take place in both English and French otherwise a drive-through penalty is incurred.
Nurburgring, Germany - Drivers are to be clad in lederhosen.
Melbourne, Australia - Every 10 laps, drivers must pit and finish a beer. At the end of the race, the F1 car engines are used for a barbeque.
Shanghai, China - Half the cars on the grid are cardboard immitations made in a factory in Guangdong. They are indistinguishable from the real cars from a distance and drivers don't know which ones are fake until they actually try to start up the engines just before the race begins.
If a race was held in Singapore, pit stops to refuel will take place in Malaysia. All cars crossing into Malaysia will nevertheless have to have their tanks 3/4 full.
4. Start the Race with a Footrace
The TV commentators are always saying you have to have incredible fitness to be an F1 driver. Let's find out for real. Instead of starting the race with the drivers already in their cars waiting for the green light, each race should start with the drivers personally lined up on the start-finish line. When the light goes green, they run 1 lap on foot before they reach their cars whereupon they jump in and start driving. This has the advantage of eliminating the need for a qualifying session to determine who starts the race in first position. If the first car makes a lap before some of the slower drivers have finished running a lap, the cars have the option of trying to run over the drivers who are still running. This has the advantage of eliminating Juan "Fatso" Montoya.
5. Handguns and Whiskey
If all else fails.
The first race of the new F1 season took place yesterday in Bahrain. Fernando "Eyebrows" Alonso (the driver whose bushy eyebrows are almost joined together) beat Michael "Machine" Schumacher to win and taking third place was Kimi "Munchkin" Raikkonen (still too young to reach puberty and develop a personality for post race interviews).
Whilst the race did have a few good moments (Jacques "I used to be Champion but I'm actually shite" Villeneuve's fiery engine blow up comes to mind), the fact still remains that there is insufficient excitement and overtaking in F1. After all, Fernando Eyebrows' overtaking of Michael Machine only took place through a faster pit-stop which enabled him to come out of the pits fractionally ahead and take the inside line into Turn 1.
The F1 Supremos have been trying their darnest to make it more exciting for years. When Ferrari dominated, they resorted to changing the regulations for chassis, engine and tyres so drastically for the 2005 season that Ferrari's 2004 car could no longer be the basis for building the new car and thus everyone started on a level playing field. Then they switched back to Everyone-On-at-the-Same-Time Qualifying for 2006 when One-Car-At-A-Time Qualifying proved to be the most boring thing on television since Today in Parliament.
In fact, the F1 Supremos have tried everything to make the races more exciting short of giving each driver a handgun and a bottle of whiskey before each race. So I think it's time they took some outside advice on what to do. Here are my top 5 ways to make F1 more exciting:
1. Eliminate the Pit Crew
Pit stops are necessary for fuel top-ups and tyre changes. The pit crew consists of around 12 people who can change 4 tyres on an F1 car in about 5 seconds. The rest of the time is determined by how much fuel they want to put into the car but even then, an F1 car can be fully fuelled in about 12 seconds. I have nothing against pit stops but why should the driver get any help with their pit stops? If we eliminate the pit crew, we get to see the drivers doing everything themselves. Just imagine Juan "Fatso" Montoya stopping the car, getting out, changing the tyres himself 1 by 1, refuelling and then hopping back in to continue the race after stuffing his face with a chicken pie.
2. Winners Start from the Back
The same teams keep occupying the first 2 to 3 rows of the grid after qualifying sessions - normally Ferrari, Renault and McLaren. When the race starts they zoom off into the distance leaving everyone else behind. They are so evenly matched that it's nearly impossible for any one of them to overtake the other and the whole race becomes a procession from start to finish if mechanical failures don't happen or clever pit-stop strategy doesn't come into play. If we want to see more overtaking, we should take the first 8 cars from the previous race (i.e. the points scorers) and start them from the back of the grid in the next race. That way, they'll have to overtake all the losers of the previous race before they can get into points scoring positions again. It's called "charging through the field" and it's exciting to watch.
Back in the days when Michael Machine was winning everything, it was suggeted that he should start the next race from the pit lane. Of the previous race venue.
3. Introduce Cultural Flavours to Each Race
Instead of each race being essentially the same, the cultural characteristics of each country the race is held in should be taken into account to make each race unique. Here are some examples:
Indianapolis, USA - When cruising through the pit lane, drive by shootings of stationary cars doing their pit stops is allowed.
Montreal, Canada - All pit to driver communications must take place in both English and French otherwise a drive-through penalty is incurred.
Nurburgring, Germany - Drivers are to be clad in lederhosen.
Melbourne, Australia - Every 10 laps, drivers must pit and finish a beer. At the end of the race, the F1 car engines are used for a barbeque.
Shanghai, China - Half the cars on the grid are cardboard immitations made in a factory in Guangdong. They are indistinguishable from the real cars from a distance and drivers don't know which ones are fake until they actually try to start up the engines just before the race begins.
If a race was held in Singapore, pit stops to refuel will take place in Malaysia. All cars crossing into Malaysia will nevertheless have to have their tanks 3/4 full.
4. Start the Race with a Footrace
The TV commentators are always saying you have to have incredible fitness to be an F1 driver. Let's find out for real. Instead of starting the race with the drivers already in their cars waiting for the green light, each race should start with the drivers personally lined up on the start-finish line. When the light goes green, they run 1 lap on foot before they reach their cars whereupon they jump in and start driving. This has the advantage of eliminating the need for a qualifying session to determine who starts the race in first position. If the first car makes a lap before some of the slower drivers have finished running a lap, the cars have the option of trying to run over the drivers who are still running. This has the advantage of eliminating Juan "Fatso" Montoya.
5. Handguns and Whiskey
If all else fails.
The Song in My Profile
B asked the other day about the song in my blogger Profile. She thought it was hilarious. In case you're wondering, it's "I'm So Worried", by Monty Pythons.
It's the one where the opening lines are:
I'm so worried about what's happening today, in the Middle East you know
And I'm so worried about the baggage retrieval system they've got at Heathrow
Enjoy :)
B asked the other day about the song in my blogger Profile. She thought it was hilarious. In case you're wondering, it's "I'm So Worried", by Monty Pythons.
It's the one where the opening lines are:
I'm so worried about what's happening today, in the Middle East you know
And I'm so worried about the baggage retrieval system they've got at Heathrow
Enjoy :)
Wednesday, March 08, 2006
Do Not Exceed Your Quota
On Monday I had an arbitration hearing with Co-Counsel from a Korean law firm. The Associate from the Korean firm was an American who spoke fluent Korean and lives in Seoul. He told me that when he was at Harvard, he was offered a one-year scholarship to study at Ewha University in Seoul because of his facility with the language.
Ewha WOMENS' University is probably the largest womens' university in the world, with about 20,000 female undergraduates. Apparently Harvard had just started an exchange program with Ewha and this guy was one of the few suitable candidates who spoke fluent Korean.
He told me that when he got to Ewha, he discovered that there were 3 other male undergraduates in the university. The first night there, he gathered them together and told them "We have to establish some ground rules. The quota for each of you is 5,000 women. Do not exceed your quota." :)
On Monday I had an arbitration hearing with Co-Counsel from a Korean law firm. The Associate from the Korean firm was an American who spoke fluent Korean and lives in Seoul. He told me that when he was at Harvard, he was offered a one-year scholarship to study at Ewha University in Seoul because of his facility with the language.
Ewha WOMENS' University is probably the largest womens' university in the world, with about 20,000 female undergraduates. Apparently Harvard had just started an exchange program with Ewha and this guy was one of the few suitable candidates who spoke fluent Korean.
He told me that when he got to Ewha, he discovered that there were 3 other male undergraduates in the university. The first night there, he gathered them together and told them "We have to establish some ground rules. The quota for each of you is 5,000 women. Do not exceed your quota." :)
