Thursday, September 28, 2006
We've got to Bang Her Long Enough Otherwise They'll Think We've got No Ammo
My favourite Associate said the above to me during a strategy meeting for an up coming arbitration hearing. What he meant to say was "You need to cross-examine the Claimant's prime witness intensively and extensively so that we don't give the Claimant's lawyers and the Arbitral Tribunal the impression that we're weak on the facts, which we are." That's what he meant to say but the title to this piece is what he actually said.
I stared at him whilst my mind processed that gem of a statement. Then I said, "Let me write that down word for word so that I can preserve it for posterity."
In other office news, I found out yesterday that 1 of my partners broke the following law of good legal practice:
1. Never Act Against a Fellow Partner's Client
He also broke the following laws of good healthy living:
2. Especially when the other partner's client owns half of a central asian republic;
3. And at your last meeting with them, the client sent his personal assistant - a woman who is the same size as you & your Associate combined;
4. And she was only the second largest person in the meeting room;
5. By far the largest person in the meeting room was the personal assistant's BODYGUARD;
6. The Bodyguard has a deep scar running diagonally across his face;
7. And halfway through the meeting, the Bodyguard pulled out a thick book on the human anatomy and started reading it quietly till the end of the meeting.
It was the most surreal meeting I've ever had with a client. But after that meeting, the Associate produced the most prompt and polished work I've ever seen him do on any file. Maybe I should have more clients like that to motivate the associates.
My favourite Associate said the above to me during a strategy meeting for an up coming arbitration hearing. What he meant to say was "You need to cross-examine the Claimant's prime witness intensively and extensively so that we don't give the Claimant's lawyers and the Arbitral Tribunal the impression that we're weak on the facts, which we are." That's what he meant to say but the title to this piece is what he actually said.
I stared at him whilst my mind processed that gem of a statement. Then I said, "Let me write that down word for word so that I can preserve it for posterity."
In other office news, I found out yesterday that 1 of my partners broke the following law of good legal practice:
1. Never Act Against a Fellow Partner's Client
He also broke the following laws of good healthy living:
2. Especially when the other partner's client owns half of a central asian republic;
3. And at your last meeting with them, the client sent his personal assistant - a woman who is the same size as you & your Associate combined;
4. And she was only the second largest person in the meeting room;
5. By far the largest person in the meeting room was the personal assistant's BODYGUARD;
6. The Bodyguard has a deep scar running diagonally across his face;
7. And halfway through the meeting, the Bodyguard pulled out a thick book on the human anatomy and started reading it quietly till the end of the meeting.
It was the most surreal meeting I've ever had with a client. But after that meeting, the Associate produced the most prompt and polished work I've ever seen him do on any file. Maybe I should have more clients like that to motivate the associates.
Monday, September 25, 2006
Give them a Fighting Chance Stevie - Drown the 9-Iron Again
Europe won the Ryder Cup again over the weekend. That makes it an unprecedented 3 wins in a row for the Europeans.
On paper, the Americans looked far superior with the World's No. 1 (Tiger Woods), No. 2 (Phil Mickelson) and No. 3 (Jim Furyk) players but as usual (of late), the Americans lost, badly. Mickelson was particularly useless - playing 5 games (the maximum possible), losing 4 and tying 1.
At least Tiger didn't disappoint winning 3 out of 5, especially the final day Singles matches which the Americans needed to win 9 out of 12 matches and Tiger duly won his against Robert Karlsson. Ordinarily, Tiger winning his singles match is no surprise. In this case however, he played without his 9-iron for 8 holes and still won.
After hitting his 9-iron approach shot to the edge of the green (near a pond) on the 7th hole, Tiger handed the club to his long time caddie Steve Williams to clean and replace in the golf bag. When they got to the green, Stevie decided to rinse the clubhead in the pond. He stood on a rock and dangled the 9-iron over the pond just as the rock started sliding. As Tiger put it "it was either going to be him (Steve) or the 9-iron. He chose the 9-iron."
As it turned out, the pond was too deep for Stevie to retrieve the 9-iron. A diver in a wet suit had to be called in to retrieve the club. Meanwhile, Tiger had to continue playing without his 9-iron. It was eventually returned to him 8 holes later, on the 15th hole. Tiger won his match anyway.
It reminds me of the incident in 2000 when Steve Williams almost got Tiger disqualified from the U.S. Open in the 2nd round - when Tiger was leading the tournament. PGA Tour rules state that a player who runs out of balls during a round is disqualified. You can't borrow golf balls from another player. Every good caddie carries 7 to 8 golf balls in the bag at a minimum. Most of the time, Tiger uses the same ball throughout an 18-hole round but even he can shoot a ball into the water or lose it in a hazard sometimes so a few extra balls in the bag are a must.
In the 2nd round of the 2000 U.S. Open at Pebble Beach, play was suspended for a few hours due to bad weather after Tiger had finished 17 holes. Tiger went back to his hotel room, took out 4 balls from the bag and practiced his putting. When play resumed, Tiger didn't put the 4 balls back into the bag. He had only 1 more hole to play, the 18th. But before teeing off, Tiger signed 2 golf balls and gave them to fans. That's 6 balls from the bag gone.
The 18th at Pebble Beach is a long tough hole with the Pacific Ocean running all along the left side. Tiger teed up and promptly hooked his drive into the ocean. He then cursed a blue streak on live TV (for which he later had to apologise) and asked Stevie for another ball to tee-up again. Steve reached into the bag only to realise that there was only 1 ball left. He didn't tell Tiger till after the round but if Tiger had put that 2nd ball into the ocean as well, they would have been disqualified.
Trying to minimise the chances of losing that 2nd ball, Stevie said "Tiger, maybe we should go with the 2-iron instead" of the driver because Tiger plays the 2-iron with much greater accuracy than his driver. Tiger replied "Just give me the ball Stevie." As Steve Williams later described it "I was praying he hit that ball on dry land otherwise we'd be disqualified and I wouldn't be here telling you the story. I'd be farming back in New Zealand!" Of course Tiger's 2nd drive landed safely on dry land and he eventually proceeded to win the U.S. Open by a terrific margin.
Little comedic episodes like that by Steve Williams really adds to the appeal of watching Tiger play. But perhaps Stevie's latest trick with the disappearing 9-iron could herald something more. Tiger has won his last 5 stroke-play events, including The Open Championship and the PGA Championship (2 of the 4 major events in the year). Maybe to give the other players a fighting chance, Stevie could periodically drown a club or 2 for a few holes and see how Tiger copes? Just don't hand him the putter next to a pond.
Europe won the Ryder Cup again over the weekend. That makes it an unprecedented 3 wins in a row for the Europeans.
On paper, the Americans looked far superior with the World's No. 1 (Tiger Woods), No. 2 (Phil Mickelson) and No. 3 (Jim Furyk) players but as usual (of late), the Americans lost, badly. Mickelson was particularly useless - playing 5 games (the maximum possible), losing 4 and tying 1.
At least Tiger didn't disappoint winning 3 out of 5, especially the final day Singles matches which the Americans needed to win 9 out of 12 matches and Tiger duly won his against Robert Karlsson. Ordinarily, Tiger winning his singles match is no surprise. In this case however, he played without his 9-iron for 8 holes and still won.
After hitting his 9-iron approach shot to the edge of the green (near a pond) on the 7th hole, Tiger handed the club to his long time caddie Steve Williams to clean and replace in the golf bag. When they got to the green, Stevie decided to rinse the clubhead in the pond. He stood on a rock and dangled the 9-iron over the pond just as the rock started sliding. As Tiger put it "it was either going to be him (Steve) or the 9-iron. He chose the 9-iron."
As it turned out, the pond was too deep for Stevie to retrieve the 9-iron. A diver in a wet suit had to be called in to retrieve the club. Meanwhile, Tiger had to continue playing without his 9-iron. It was eventually returned to him 8 holes later, on the 15th hole. Tiger won his match anyway.
It reminds me of the incident in 2000 when Steve Williams almost got Tiger disqualified from the U.S. Open in the 2nd round - when Tiger was leading the tournament. PGA Tour rules state that a player who runs out of balls during a round is disqualified. You can't borrow golf balls from another player. Every good caddie carries 7 to 8 golf balls in the bag at a minimum. Most of the time, Tiger uses the same ball throughout an 18-hole round but even he can shoot a ball into the water or lose it in a hazard sometimes so a few extra balls in the bag are a must.
In the 2nd round of the 2000 U.S. Open at Pebble Beach, play was suspended for a few hours due to bad weather after Tiger had finished 17 holes. Tiger went back to his hotel room, took out 4 balls from the bag and practiced his putting. When play resumed, Tiger didn't put the 4 balls back into the bag. He had only 1 more hole to play, the 18th. But before teeing off, Tiger signed 2 golf balls and gave them to fans. That's 6 balls from the bag gone.
The 18th at Pebble Beach is a long tough hole with the Pacific Ocean running all along the left side. Tiger teed up and promptly hooked his drive into the ocean. He then cursed a blue streak on live TV (for which he later had to apologise) and asked Stevie for another ball to tee-up again. Steve reached into the bag only to realise that there was only 1 ball left. He didn't tell Tiger till after the round but if Tiger had put that 2nd ball into the ocean as well, they would have been disqualified.Trying to minimise the chances of losing that 2nd ball, Stevie said "Tiger, maybe we should go with the 2-iron instead" of the driver because Tiger plays the 2-iron with much greater accuracy than his driver. Tiger replied "Just give me the ball Stevie." As Steve Williams later described it "I was praying he hit that ball on dry land otherwise we'd be disqualified and I wouldn't be here telling you the story. I'd be farming back in New Zealand!" Of course Tiger's 2nd drive landed safely on dry land and he eventually proceeded to win the U.S. Open by a terrific margin.
Little comedic episodes like that by Steve Williams really adds to the appeal of watching Tiger play. But perhaps Stevie's latest trick with the disappearing 9-iron could herald something more. Tiger has won his last 5 stroke-play events, including The Open Championship and the PGA Championship (2 of the 4 major events in the year). Maybe to give the other players a fighting chance, Stevie could periodically drown a club or 2 for a few holes and see how Tiger copes? Just don't hand him the putter next to a pond.
Thursday, September 21, 2006
Go Slingers!
Singapore now has its own professional basketball team that plays in the Australian National Basketball League. They're called the Singapore Slingers and last night was their opening match against the Adelaide 36ers.
Growing up watching the LA Lakers of the 1980s on TV, I decided to buy courtside seats (right on the hardwood, so close you receive a warning sheet not to interfere with play) and see what the Singapore experience would be like. It was great!
Everything was made to be just like the American NBA. All the sounds for substitution of players, rousing music when we score, funny sound effects when the opposing team misses, drum beat & people shouting "De-fense! De-fense!" were exactly the same as the NBA on TV. The Slingers even have their own cute professional cheerleaders!
And the best part? WE WON! Slingers beat the 36ers 98 - 91. Of course, all the players are imports, mostly from the US or Australia (there are 2 local Singaporean players but neither of time played last night, maybe next time).
So this morning, I bought season tickets. Courtside of course. I now feel like Jack Nicholson with his season courtside tickets to LA Lakers home games. The guy next to me last night said he bought his season tickets 6 months ago. Looks like I'll be seeing him at every home game at the Indoor Stadium from now through February. And then hopefully the Slingers make it to the playoffs!
The only strange thing? Our mascot. A guy in a white costume with a merlion head, dreadlocks, a tail (that's stiff and looks like another hand really) and webbed feet. It wasn't pretty. This morning I suddenly realised what was so unsettling about the mascot - from the waist up, he looks as Predator! Oh well, as long as I see the cheerleaders in front of me more often than him I'll be fine I guess.
Singapore now has its own professional basketball team that plays in the Australian National Basketball League. They're called the Singapore Slingers and last night was their opening match against the Adelaide 36ers.
Growing up watching the LA Lakers of the 1980s on TV, I decided to buy courtside seats (right on the hardwood, so close you receive a warning sheet not to interfere with play) and see what the Singapore experience would be like. It was great!
Everything was made to be just like the American NBA. All the sounds for substitution of players, rousing music when we score, funny sound effects when the opposing team misses, drum beat & people shouting "De-fense! De-fense!" were exactly the same as the NBA on TV. The Slingers even have their own cute professional cheerleaders!
And the best part? WE WON! Slingers beat the 36ers 98 - 91. Of course, all the players are imports, mostly from the US or Australia (there are 2 local Singaporean players but neither of time played last night, maybe next time).So this morning, I bought season tickets. Courtside of course. I now feel like Jack Nicholson with his season courtside tickets to LA Lakers home games. The guy next to me last night said he bought his season tickets 6 months ago. Looks like I'll be seeing him at every home game at the Indoor Stadium from now through February. And then hopefully the Slingers make it to the playoffs!
The only strange thing? Our mascot. A guy in a white costume with a merlion head, dreadlocks, a tail (that's stiff and looks like another hand really) and webbed feet. It wasn't pretty. This morning I suddenly realised what was so unsettling about the mascot - from the waist up, he looks as Predator! Oh well, as long as I see the cheerleaders in front of me more often than him I'll be fine I guess.
Friday, September 15, 2006
I Am A Golfer
I play in a regular foursome.
I'm a single looking for a game.
I get up at hours I'd never consider for any other reason.
I've raced the sun to get in 18.
I have putted for hours in near darkness.
I play the munis.
I belong to a club.
I ride.
I pull.
I carry.
Sometimes the game is medal.
Sometimes match.
I grind for two bucks like it was a thousand.
I still remember my Dad teaching me how to hold a club.
And I'll never forget the day I beat him.
I have been coached by everyone from club pros to guys at the range.
And each time I believe they might hold the answer.
But I know where the answer lies.
It's found in the dirt.
I keep my clubs in my trunk.
I've looked away when opponents are struggling,
to give them some space.
My favourite sound is the chatter of my clubs on my back.
Some say I care too much.
They don't understand.
Golf doesn't begin on the first tee,
And it doesn't end on the 18th green.
It is a lifelong journey.
I am a golfer.
I love this game.
Its history is my history.
Its rules are my laws.
The course is my home.
Golfers are my family.
----------------------------------------------
www.iamagolfer.com
See the commercial.
I play in a regular foursome.
I'm a single looking for a game.
I get up at hours I'd never consider for any other reason.
I've raced the sun to get in 18.
I have putted for hours in near darkness.
I play the munis.
I belong to a club.
I ride.
I pull.
I carry.
Sometimes the game is medal.
Sometimes match.
I grind for two bucks like it was a thousand.
I still remember my Dad teaching me how to hold a club.
And I'll never forget the day I beat him.
I have been coached by everyone from club pros to guys at the range.
And each time I believe they might hold the answer.
But I know where the answer lies.
It's found in the dirt.
I keep my clubs in my trunk.
I've looked away when opponents are struggling,
to give them some space.
My favourite sound is the chatter of my clubs on my back.
Some say I care too much.
They don't understand.
Golf doesn't begin on the first tee,
And it doesn't end on the 18th green.
It is a lifelong journey.
I am a golfer.
I love this game.
Its history is my history.
Its rules are my laws.
The course is my home.
Golfers are my family.
----------------------------------------------
www.iamagolfer.com
See the commercial.
Tuesday, September 12, 2006
Wikipedia Teaches Us So Much
Just found the following entry on Wiki for "PEBKAC".
PEBKAC is an acronym which stands for "Problem Exists Between Keyboard And Chair".
Also used is PEBCAC, which stands for "Problem Exists Between Computer And Chair", or PBKAC, which stands for "Problem Between Keyboard And Chair". Sightings of PEBCAK ("Problem Exists Between Chair And Keyboard") have been reported. Another variation is PIBKAC ("Problem Is Between Keyboard And Chair").
It is most commonly used by experts to describe to one another that the problem was not in the computer but was instead caused by the user operating it.
Just found the following entry on Wiki for "PEBKAC".
PEBKAC is an acronym which stands for "Problem Exists Between Keyboard And Chair".
Also used is PEBCAC, which stands for "Problem Exists Between Computer And Chair", or PBKAC, which stands for "Problem Between Keyboard And Chair". Sightings of PEBCAK ("Problem Exists Between Chair And Keyboard") have been reported. Another variation is PIBKAC ("Problem Is Between Keyboard And Chair").
It is most commonly used by experts to describe to one another that the problem was not in the computer but was instead caused by the user operating it.
Friday, September 01, 2006
1. I am Powerless
2. And I need the Help of a Power Greater than Myself
Those are the first 2 steps of the 12 Step Alcoholics Anonymous program and I have just taken those steps. Yes it’s true, I have a problem and I have finally admitted to myself that I am powerless to solve it myself and I truly need the help of a Higher Power.
The problem I am talking about is of course my golf swing and the Higher Power is a USGA certified golf instructor. What were you thinking?
I haven’t seen a golf coach since I first took up the game seriously some 5 years ago. He taught me to swing and helped me make adjustments from time to time for the first 2 years. I haven’t been back since.
For the last 3 years I’ve been tinkering with my swing myself. Some people buy the latest greatest golf clubs and gadgets every 6 months hoping to play better. I read all the classic instruction manuals I can get and I tinker with my swing every 6 months hoping to play better.
In the last year however, I’ve developed a quirk in my swing which I can’t get rid of without ruining the entire swing stability and rhythm. I cock my wrists early in the backswing to ensure that they will release in the correct sequence with everything else on the downswing through impact. It results in a bizarre momentary pause in my backswing when the club is parallel to the ground before the arms, shoulders and hips turn to bring the club up.
My friends say it’s disconcerting to see and looks clownish. They make the very valid point that no PGA Tour player we’ve seen on TV has any such momentary pause in their backswing (we’re not talking about the top of the backswing, it happens right after cocking the wrists, before everything else coils). Whilst there are many different swings on the PGA Tour (including quirky ones like Jim Furyk and Ryan Moore), the fact that nobody remotely good does what I do is a pretty powerful indication that what I’m doing can’t be good.
So I’ve gone back to the books and tried to figure out what I could do. I’ve read and reread Ben Hogan’s “5 Lessons” and “Power Golf”, David Leadbetter’s critique of Ben Hogan’s instruction 50 years later, Harvey Penick’s “Little Red Book”, Tiger Woods’ “How I Play Golf”, Hank Haney’s explanation of how Tiger has since changed his swing from “How I Play Golf”, Jaime Diaz’s explanation of why Tiger changed his swing, Butch Harmon’s explanation of whether Tiger’s new swing is better than the one Butch taught him. Every month, I religiously read Golf Digest, Golf Today, Golfweek, Golf Tips, On the Green, Fairways & Greens, Asian Golf Monthly, Inside the Tour, African American Golfer’s Digest, Bad Golf Monthly, Golf & Travel, Golf365, International Golf Preview, Golf for Siamese Twins, Insane Golfer Monthly, Golf Till You Go Blind and its sister publication Blind Golfer. Ok, I haven’t read all those golf magazines but they do exist. Except the last 4.
As a result, I know a fair bit about 1 plane swings vs 2 plane swings, I can tell what swinging across the line means, I know what Harvey Penick calls the “magic move”, I can tell a neutral grip from a strong grip from a weak grip, I know all about weight transfer, getting in the slot on the down swing, cuts, fades, draws, power fades, back spin and thanks to Caddyshack 2 I know what putting with a wedgie means :)
But no matter what I do, I can’t get rid of that momentary pause without screwing up my swing. *sigh* So I’m going to see a coach.
2. And I need the Help of a Power Greater than Myself
Those are the first 2 steps of the 12 Step Alcoholics Anonymous program and I have just taken those steps. Yes it’s true, I have a problem and I have finally admitted to myself that I am powerless to solve it myself and I truly need the help of a Higher Power.
The problem I am talking about is of course my golf swing and the Higher Power is a USGA certified golf instructor. What were you thinking?
I haven’t seen a golf coach since I first took up the game seriously some 5 years ago. He taught me to swing and helped me make adjustments from time to time for the first 2 years. I haven’t been back since.
For the last 3 years I’ve been tinkering with my swing myself. Some people buy the latest greatest golf clubs and gadgets every 6 months hoping to play better. I read all the classic instruction manuals I can get and I tinker with my swing every 6 months hoping to play better.
In the last year however, I’ve developed a quirk in my swing which I can’t get rid of without ruining the entire swing stability and rhythm. I cock my wrists early in the backswing to ensure that they will release in the correct sequence with everything else on the downswing through impact. It results in a bizarre momentary pause in my backswing when the club is parallel to the ground before the arms, shoulders and hips turn to bring the club up.
My friends say it’s disconcerting to see and looks clownish. They make the very valid point that no PGA Tour player we’ve seen on TV has any such momentary pause in their backswing (we’re not talking about the top of the backswing, it happens right after cocking the wrists, before everything else coils). Whilst there are many different swings on the PGA Tour (including quirky ones like Jim Furyk and Ryan Moore), the fact that nobody remotely good does what I do is a pretty powerful indication that what I’m doing can’t be good.
So I’ve gone back to the books and tried to figure out what I could do. I’ve read and reread Ben Hogan’s “5 Lessons” and “Power Golf”, David Leadbetter’s critique of Ben Hogan’s instruction 50 years later, Harvey Penick’s “Little Red Book”, Tiger Woods’ “How I Play Golf”, Hank Haney’s explanation of how Tiger has since changed his swing from “How I Play Golf”, Jaime Diaz’s explanation of why Tiger changed his swing, Butch Harmon’s explanation of whether Tiger’s new swing is better than the one Butch taught him. Every month, I religiously read Golf Digest, Golf Today, Golfweek, Golf Tips, On the Green, Fairways & Greens, Asian Golf Monthly, Inside the Tour, African American Golfer’s Digest, Bad Golf Monthly, Golf & Travel, Golf365, International Golf Preview, Golf for Siamese Twins, Insane Golfer Monthly, Golf Till You Go Blind and its sister publication Blind Golfer. Ok, I haven’t read all those golf magazines but they do exist. Except the last 4.
As a result, I know a fair bit about 1 plane swings vs 2 plane swings, I can tell what swinging across the line means, I know what Harvey Penick calls the “magic move”, I can tell a neutral grip from a strong grip from a weak grip, I know all about weight transfer, getting in the slot on the down swing, cuts, fades, draws, power fades, back spin and thanks to Caddyshack 2 I know what putting with a wedgie means :)
But no matter what I do, I can’t get rid of that momentary pause without screwing up my swing. *sigh* So I’m going to see a coach.
