The Only Thing That Counts Is Me

I hate to advocate Drugs, Alcohol, Violence, or Insanity to anyone, but they’ve always worked for me.
– Hunter S. Thompson

After giving me a barrage of instructions over the phone as his chauffeur driven car was leaving the office driveway, my boss says: “Oh, and one more thing. Try not to drink too much on weekday nights ok?”

Yes, I am nursing a hangover. He saw me for barely 2 minutes this morning yet my boss knew. I don’t think it’s that noticeable but he always knows.

Yesterday evening I had drinks with some clients, which was fine. Then drinks through dinner, which was normal. Followed by drinks at Velvet Underground around midnight which, at the time, was poor decision-making by an alcohol impaired brain.

The result is that I haven’t managed to do a shred of work this morning and I’m typing this now with a bowl of mushroom crème soup in front of me for lunch. I even had to get the soup myself. If I asked my secretary or the tea lady to get it for me they’d immediately suspect something was wrong. Soup for lunch is not normal behaviour for me.

Just to be clear, I don’t show up at work with a hangover all that often. Of course, I’d rather not turn up with a hangover at all but the only sure-fire way to prevent that appears to be to stop drinking entirely and that is not an option. You see, my 4 basic food groups are Beer, Wine, Stout and Single Malt Whiskies. In the premises, to give up alcohol would be tantamount to starving to death.

And besides, with all the stuff that goes on in cases and legal practice, sometimes you really NEED that drink after work to de-stress and relax. As George Bernard Shaw rightly points out, "Alcohol is the anesthesia by which we endure the operation of life."

Granted, too much anesthetic can kill you and in the case of alcohol, even a little too much can give you a hangover. And I have certainly had all manner of nasty hangovers in my more than a decade of imbibing the stuff. Be that as it may, the words of Winston Churchill ring true for me – “Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.”

For those who disagree and believe instead that alcohol is ultimately evil, you will do well to remember that “Alcohol may be man’s worst enemy, but the Bible says love your enemy.” (Frank Sinatra)

So I will keep drinking because for me it is food, because sometimes I need it to de-stress, because I take more out of it than it takes out of me, because the Bible says love your enemy – even if I have to occasionally suffer hungover days like today.

And anyway, my hangovers never last beyond 5pm the next day so I’ll be all set to drink again tonight at my friend’s birthday bash. As Frank Sinatra puts it “I feel sorry for people who don’t drink. When they wake up in the mornings, that’s as good as they’re going to feel all day!”