Tuesday, January 16, 2007
What Corporate Lawyers Do
Borrowed from Above The Law:
You and a friend go out to eat, and you decide to share a pizza. Each of you hires a corporate lawyer to negotiate its division.
The piping hot pizza is brought out to your table. Before you can eat it, the corporate lawyers tell you and your friend that they must do their "due diligence."
You sit at the table, watching the pizza cool, while the lawyers muck around in the kitchen. You hear the clanging of pots and pans. After an eternity, the lawyers emerge. Your lawyer informs you that, based upon his comprehensive review, he has concluded that this pizza is made of dough, tomato sauce, and cheese.
Your lawyer then warns you about the pitfalls of pizza consumption. You might get heartburn or indigestion. If you're lactose-intolerant, the cheese might upset your stomach. The pizza may contain trans fats. Your lawyer adds that, if you eat the pizza too soon after it emerges from the oven, you could burn your tongue. Of course, there's no danger of that now, since the pizza grew cold a long time ago.
Then your lawyer turns to the lawyer for your friend. It's time to negotiate. They step outside the pizza parlor and argue, in animated fashion, for half an hour. The oil on the surface of the pizza is starting to congeal. Your stomach is grumbling audibly.
Finally, the lawyers return. They have concluded that you and your friend should divide the eight-slice pie evenly, fifty-fifty. After each lawyer takes out his one-slice fee, that leaves you and your friend with three cold, soggy slices apiece.
At this point, you have no desire to eat the pizza, which is completely disgusting. So you go up to the counter and order a garden salad. It's so much healthier than pizza.
Your transactional lawyer just increased your lifespan. Aren't corporate lawyers great?
Borrowed from Above The Law:
You and a friend go out to eat, and you decide to share a pizza. Each of you hires a corporate lawyer to negotiate its division.
The piping hot pizza is brought out to your table. Before you can eat it, the corporate lawyers tell you and your friend that they must do their "due diligence."
You sit at the table, watching the pizza cool, while the lawyers muck around in the kitchen. You hear the clanging of pots and pans. After an eternity, the lawyers emerge. Your lawyer informs you that, based upon his comprehensive review, he has concluded that this pizza is made of dough, tomato sauce, and cheese.
Your lawyer then warns you about the pitfalls of pizza consumption. You might get heartburn or indigestion. If you're lactose-intolerant, the cheese might upset your stomach. The pizza may contain trans fats. Your lawyer adds that, if you eat the pizza too soon after it emerges from the oven, you could burn your tongue. Of course, there's no danger of that now, since the pizza grew cold a long time ago.
Then your lawyer turns to the lawyer for your friend. It's time to negotiate. They step outside the pizza parlor and argue, in animated fashion, for half an hour. The oil on the surface of the pizza is starting to congeal. Your stomach is grumbling audibly.
Finally, the lawyers return. They have concluded that you and your friend should divide the eight-slice pie evenly, fifty-fifty. After each lawyer takes out his one-slice fee, that leaves you and your friend with three cold, soggy slices apiece.
At this point, you have no desire to eat the pizza, which is completely disgusting. So you go up to the counter and order a garden salad. It's so much healthier than pizza.
Your transactional lawyer just increased your lifespan. Aren't corporate lawyers great?
# posted by Fore! @ 1:37 PM 
