Thursday, May 24, 2007
Horrorscope for the Week of 21st May
Your natural stubbornness comes in handy when your opponent's arguments turn out to be supported by hard facts and credible evidence.
Your natural stubbornness comes in handy when your opponent's arguments turn out to be supported by hard facts and credible evidence.
Labels: Horrorscope
Thursday, May 17, 2007
Beer Taster Quits & Sues Brewery Over Alcoholism
Millions Apply to Brewery to take over Dream Job
Ok, that sub-heading is not substantiated but I wouldn't be surprised if it were true. The headline is true though and it is one of the most hilarious news snippets I've come across.
It appears from this BBC article that a brewery in Brazil, Ambev, has been ordered to pay almost US$50,000 to an employee they had hired to taste beer. In over 10 years of *ahem* "dedicated" service to the brewery, the employee drank about 1.5 litres of beer everyday and received a bottle of beer to take home after work each day. In Court, he alleged that Ambev did not provide him with adequate health care to stop him from developing alcoholism.
It gets funnier. The article then goes on to say that Ambev's defence was that the employee was already an alcoholic when they hired him so they did not cause his alcoholism. What kind of defence is that? Do they also run a medical morphine factory where they hire drug addicts to check the quality & consistency of their product? As the Judge (rightly in my view) points out, that defence is stunning because an alcoholic should never have been hired in the first place to drink beer!
Millions Apply to Brewery to take over Dream Job
Ok, that sub-heading is not substantiated but I wouldn't be surprised if it were true. The headline is true though and it is one of the most hilarious news snippets I've come across.
It appears from this BBC article that a brewery in Brazil, Ambev, has been ordered to pay almost US$50,000 to an employee they had hired to taste beer. In over 10 years of *ahem* "dedicated" service to the brewery, the employee drank about 1.5 litres of beer everyday and received a bottle of beer to take home after work each day. In Court, he alleged that Ambev did not provide him with adequate health care to stop him from developing alcoholism. Let's pause there for a moment and consider 2 things:
1. Why was he getting a bottle of beer a day after work? Was every employee getting the same or did the brewery think he WASN'T DRINKING ENOUGH during the day?
2. 1.5 litres x 5 to 6 days a week x 10 years. Is there ANY level of "health care" that would be adequate enough to stop alcoholism?
It gets funnier. The article then goes on to say that Ambev's defence was that the employee was already an alcoholic when they hired him so they did not cause his alcoholism. What kind of defence is that? Do they also run a medical morphine factory where they hire drug addicts to check the quality & consistency of their product? As the Judge (rightly in my view) points out, that defence is stunning because an alcoholic should never have been hired in the first place to drink beer!Did it ever occur to these guys that there is a reason why Alcoholics Anonymous advocates that their members never ever drink again rather than continue to drink but in moderation? But you can't really blame Ambev - it's not as if they manufacture an addictive substance and should therefore be expected to have basic common knowledge about its effects on people is it?
One last laugh from the article - The Judge notes in his decision that the employee's alcohol dependency had worsened in recent years and "he felt like drinking the same amount on holiday as he drank at work." That is shocking but perhaps not for the reason the Judge had in mind. You see, most of us don't drink at work. This means that if we drank the same amount on holiday as we drank at work, it would be a pretty bad holiday. For this worker though, given how much he drinks at work, if he drank the same amount on holiday as he drank at work, it would also be a pretty bad holiday, but for the opposite reason from the rest of us.
Oh and by the way, the pictures I've attached are not related to the article or the parties involved in the case in any way. They're just funny beer related pictures which go well with this post. Cheers!
Horrorscope for the Week of 14th May
The search for meaning in life is a worthy pursuit, but the search for meaning in your particular life is a real waste of time.
The search for meaning in life is a worthy pursuit, but the search for meaning in your particular life is a real waste of time.
Labels: Horrorscope
Wednesday, May 09, 2007
Horrorscope for the Week of 7th May
Your battle with hair loss intensifies this week when hair loss brings in artillery to support the infantry positions it established near your supply routes.
Your battle with hair loss intensifies this week when hair loss brings in artillery to support the infantry positions it established near your supply routes.
Labels: Horrorscope
Tuesday, May 08, 2007
Who Would Bet Against Tiger?
Some weeks ago, my golfing buddies and I were at a Japanese sake bar with some female friends of ours drinking WAY too much sake. The conversation amongst the boys turned to golf (no surprise there huh?) and the impending World Golf Championships CA tournament that was to take place that weekend at the Blue Monster course in the Doral Resort & Spa, Florida. The big question of course is whether Tiger Woods would win it again?
Up to that point, Tiger had an awesome record in WGC tournaments, winning just over 50% of WGC events he had entered. In addition, he had won the last 2 tournaments held at the Blue Monster course. When asked who I thought would win, my obvious and immediate answer was "Tiger."
"Want to bet?", said one of the boys.
"You mean I bet on Tiger and you bet on all the other 70+ players in the field?", I replied and he answered affirmatively.
As much of a Tiger fan as I am and as good as Tiger's record in this event and at this course was, betting on Tiger against all the remaining players didn't exactly seem fair. I can't remember precisely what was said next but the next thing I recall was that he offered to bet on Tiger Woods on 3 to 1 odds for S$10. This means that if Tiger didn't win, he would pay me S$10 but if Tiger won, I would pay him S$30. The odds were to compensate for me having an army of players against his solitary Tiger.
I am a huge Tiger Woods fanatic. A poster of Tiger's swing sequence hangs on my office wall. Tiger's book "How I Play Golf" sits on the coffee table at my apartment. I believe to this day that despite copious amounts of sake that night, I would not have bet against Tiger if it wasn't for an unfortunate coincidence.
At the precise time that bet was offered, 2 of the girls at our table started kissing - each other. Everyone was pretty drunk and I don't know who suggested it but they started kissing with quite some familiarity and passion. It was clearly for fun, just to get a rise out of the boys but there was distinctly tongue involved (sadly, not mine).
It should go without saying that the effect on the minds of heterosexual men when faced with 2 pretty girls kissing each other is like detonating a thermonuclear warhead in Antarctica - all cool rational thought gets burned up in a flash, irreversible and catastrophic global warming occurs and the whole place remains irradiated with the image of what just happened for years to come.
With the 2 girls kissing, in reply to whether I would bet against Tiger, I said "OK" with the most vacuous look on my face. In truth, at that precise moment, I could have been asked whether I would saw my arm off and I would have said "OK". I could have been asked whether I would pledge never to golf again and I would have said "OK". I could even have been asked whether I would support President Bush for life and I would have ... no, wait, nothing could make me that dumb.
Anyway, the point was I took the bet whilst mentally incapacitated. Men only have enough blood to power 1 head at a time and the wrong head was being engaged when I took the bet. I don't know why 2 girls kissing does that. If 2 girls want to kiss each other, that's not evidence they'd enjoy kissing a guy together but for some reason, we always imagine it that way and global warming occurs.
It started out with a glimmer of hope for me - Tiger shot a 1-under 71 in Round 1 and was 4 shots off the lead held by Henrik Stenson. Then in Round 2 he fired a 6-under 66 and took the lead by 2 strokes. Tiger had won 26 times in 32 PGA Tour events where he led at the halfway point. It got even worse for me after Round 3. Tiger shot a 4-under 68 and led the field by 4 strokes. He had won 30 times in 31 PGA Tour events when he led or shared the lead going into the final round. I gave up then and there and paid the bet. Tiger eventually cruised to an easy 2 stroke victory in Round 4.
In all fairness to my friend, he gave me an opportunity to bet on Tiger in last week's Wachovia Championship. It wasn't exactly the same though. This time the field was double the size at 156 players and the bet was for an even S$10. And Tiger had never previously won the Wachovia Championship at Quail Hollow Golf Club. Be that as it may, in the absence of pretty girls kissing each other at the critical moment, I wasn't going to bet against him this time. Tiger duly won by 2 strokes.
The same friend has offered to continue the bet into this week's Players' Championship. When you think about it, it's amazing that we'd bet on 1 player against the entire field of 70+ or 150+ of the world's best golfers. But when you see what he can do, who would bet against Tiger?
Some weeks ago, my golfing buddies and I were at a Japanese sake bar with some female friends of ours drinking WAY too much sake. The conversation amongst the boys turned to golf (no surprise there huh?) and the impending World Golf Championships CA tournament that was to take place that weekend at the Blue Monster course in the Doral Resort & Spa, Florida. The big question of course is whether Tiger Woods would win it again?
Up to that point, Tiger had an awesome record in WGC tournaments, winning just over 50% of WGC events he had entered. In addition, he had won the last 2 tournaments held at the Blue Monster course. When asked who I thought would win, my obvious and immediate answer was "Tiger.""Want to bet?", said one of the boys.
"You mean I bet on Tiger and you bet on all the other 70+ players in the field?", I replied and he answered affirmatively.
As much of a Tiger fan as I am and as good as Tiger's record in this event and at this course was, betting on Tiger against all the remaining players didn't exactly seem fair. I can't remember precisely what was said next but the next thing I recall was that he offered to bet on Tiger Woods on 3 to 1 odds for S$10. This means that if Tiger didn't win, he would pay me S$10 but if Tiger won, I would pay him S$30. The odds were to compensate for me having an army of players against his solitary Tiger.
I am a huge Tiger Woods fanatic. A poster of Tiger's swing sequence hangs on my office wall. Tiger's book "How I Play Golf" sits on the coffee table at my apartment. I believe to this day that despite copious amounts of sake that night, I would not have bet against Tiger if it wasn't for an unfortunate coincidence.
At the precise time that bet was offered, 2 of the girls at our table started kissing - each other. Everyone was pretty drunk and I don't know who suggested it but they started kissing with quite some familiarity and passion. It was clearly for fun, just to get a rise out of the boys but there was distinctly tongue involved (sadly, not mine).
It should go without saying that the effect on the minds of heterosexual men when faced with 2 pretty girls kissing each other is like detonating a thermonuclear warhead in Antarctica - all cool rational thought gets burned up in a flash, irreversible and catastrophic global warming occurs and the whole place remains irradiated with the image of what just happened for years to come.With the 2 girls kissing, in reply to whether I would bet against Tiger, I said "OK" with the most vacuous look on my face. In truth, at that precise moment, I could have been asked whether I would saw my arm off and I would have said "OK". I could have been asked whether I would pledge never to golf again and I would have said "OK". I could even have been asked whether I would support President Bush for life and I would have ... no, wait, nothing could make me that dumb.
Anyway, the point was I took the bet whilst mentally incapacitated. Men only have enough blood to power 1 head at a time and the wrong head was being engaged when I took the bet. I don't know why 2 girls kissing does that. If 2 girls want to kiss each other, that's not evidence they'd enjoy kissing a guy together but for some reason, we always imagine it that way and global warming occurs.
It started out with a glimmer of hope for me - Tiger shot a 1-under 71 in Round 1 and was 4 shots off the lead held by Henrik Stenson. Then in Round 2 he fired a 6-under 66 and took the lead by 2 strokes. Tiger had won 26 times in 32 PGA Tour events where he led at the halfway point. It got even worse for me after Round 3. Tiger shot a 4-under 68 and led the field by 4 strokes. He had won 30 times in 31 PGA Tour events when he led or shared the lead going into the final round. I gave up then and there and paid the bet. Tiger eventually cruised to an easy 2 stroke victory in Round 4.In all fairness to my friend, he gave me an opportunity to bet on Tiger in last week's Wachovia Championship. It wasn't exactly the same though. This time the field was double the size at 156 players and the bet was for an even S$10. And Tiger had never previously won the Wachovia Championship at Quail Hollow Golf Club. Be that as it may, in the absence of pretty girls kissing each other at the critical moment, I wasn't going to bet against him this time. Tiger duly won by 2 strokes.
The same friend has offered to continue the bet into this week's Players' Championship. When you think about it, it's amazing that we'd bet on 1 player against the entire field of 70+ or 150+ of the world's best golfers. But when you see what he can do, who would bet against Tiger?
Thursday, May 03, 2007
Horrorscope for the Week of 30th April
You've been feeling bad about wasting your life, but there's really nothing useful you could have done with it, anyway.
You've been feeling bad about wasting your life, but there's really nothing useful you could have done with it, anyway.
Labels: Horrorscope
