Wednesday, March 28, 2007
Horrorscope for the Week of 26th March
This week is a good one for romance in the workplace, but why they always have to use your office is beyond you.
This week is a good one for romance in the workplace, but why they always have to use your office is beyond you.
Labels: Horrorscope
Wednesday, March 21, 2007
The Dead Doctor on my Desk
Q: What's the difference between a rhinoceros and a lawyer?
A: The rhinoceros will stop charging you when you're dead.
People think this is a joke but it's actually true. Scientists have confirmed that rhinos and other wild animals will indeed stop charging at you once they know you're already dead. On the other hand, there is a dead doctor on my desk who is "living" proof that we haven't stopped charging him despite the fact that he died over 17 years ago.
The Doc in question was a very rich man who had no wife or children. That wasn't a problem when he died because he had willed his fortune to his nieces and nephews. The problem was that no one knew the full extent of his fortune and he didn't keep very good records.
We came into the picture when the Executor hired us to help administer the estate. Although we have now distributed all specific legacies and (we believe) most of his residual estate, as late as last year, we find out he had tens of thousands of shares in Fraser & Neave which are worth hundreds of thousands of dollars nowadays! Finds like this are the reason the dead doctor is still sitting on my desk and has been for the better part of a decade now. And of course everytime we do work in finding new assets, liquidating them and transferring the proceeds to the residual beneficiary, we charge for our work done.
The moral of the story? Keep proper records of all your assets so that your lawyers don't keep charging you years after you've become food for worms and fertiliser for daffodils.
And finally, for those of you who don't like a lawyer making fun of a dead doctor on his blog, relax. It's not all one-sided. The following is allegedly part of a transcript from an actual case:
Counsel: Doctor, when you examined the deceased, did you check for a pulse?
Doctor: No.
Counsel: Did you check if the deceased was breathing?
Doctor: No.
Counsel: (Triumphantly) Then how could you be sure he was dead at the time you examined him?
Doctor: Because when I examined his body, his head was sitting in a jar on my desk. But for all I know, he could be out there right now practising law somewhere!
Q: What's the difference between a rhinoceros and a lawyer?
A: The rhinoceros will stop charging you when you're dead.
People think this is a joke but it's actually true. Scientists have confirmed that rhinos and other wild animals will indeed stop charging at you once they know you're already dead. On the other hand, there is a dead doctor on my desk who is "living" proof that we haven't stopped charging him despite the fact that he died over 17 years ago.
The Doc in question was a very rich man who had no wife or children. That wasn't a problem when he died because he had willed his fortune to his nieces and nephews. The problem was that no one knew the full extent of his fortune and he didn't keep very good records.
We came into the picture when the Executor hired us to help administer the estate. Although we have now distributed all specific legacies and (we believe) most of his residual estate, as late as last year, we find out he had tens of thousands of shares in Fraser & Neave which are worth hundreds of thousands of dollars nowadays! Finds like this are the reason the dead doctor is still sitting on my desk and has been for the better part of a decade now. And of course everytime we do work in finding new assets, liquidating them and transferring the proceeds to the residual beneficiary, we charge for our work done.
The moral of the story? Keep proper records of all your assets so that your lawyers don't keep charging you years after you've become food for worms and fertiliser for daffodils.
And finally, for those of you who don't like a lawyer making fun of a dead doctor on his blog, relax. It's not all one-sided. The following is allegedly part of a transcript from an actual case:
Counsel: Doctor, when you examined the deceased, did you check for a pulse?
Doctor: No.
Counsel: Did you check if the deceased was breathing?
Doctor: No.
Counsel: (Triumphantly) Then how could you be sure he was dead at the time you examined him?
Doctor: Because when I examined his body, his head was sitting in a jar on my desk. But for all I know, he could be out there right now practising law somewhere!
Horrorscope for the Week of 19th March
You're one of the rare people who's willing to die for what you believe in, which is strange because you mostly just believe in using as many coupons as possible.
You're one of the rare people who's willing to die for what you believe in, which is strange because you mostly just believe in using as many coupons as possible.
Labels: Horrorscope
Friday, March 16, 2007
Ultimate Frisbee - A Glossary of Terms
I've recently started playing Ultimate Frisbee with a bunch of friends when we hang out at Cafe Del Mar on Sunday afternoons. It's good fun exercise to compensate for the beers.
I've recently started playing Ultimate Frisbee with a bunch of friends when we hang out at Cafe Del Mar on Sunday afternoons. It's good fun exercise to compensate for the beers.Ultimate isn't very popular in Singapore. I first heard of it and learnt how to play when I was in Canada shortly after law school visiting my then girlfriend. Back then, as a struggling law student, I learnt that dating exchange students guaranteed I had free accomodation when I visited their home countries :)
Anyway, back to Ultimate. It sure as hell beats just throwing a frisbee back and forth. And it has some funny / cool terms such as the following:
Throwing a Brick - A bad throw, especially one that lands out-of-bounds without being touched by anyone.
Cherry Picker - Someone who frequently stands in or near the end zone so that he can catch a point scoring pass easily.
The Law of Conservation of Greatness - When a player makes a difficult & heroic catch then immediately throws a brick. Greatness is conserved because the heroic catch is balanced by the bad throw.
Greatest - Jumping to catch a frisbee which is headed out-of-bounds and throwing the frisbee again whilst in mid-air before landing out-of-bounds.
Hell Point - In games where substitutions are only allowed immediately after a point is scored, a Hell Point is a point which takes very long to score, leaving the players on the field feeling very tired.
Hospital Throw - A throw which stays in the air for a long period of time, allowing many players to get under the frisbee to try to catch it and thereby greatly increasing the chances of collisions, injuries & players having to be sent to hospital. See image on right.
Layout - A dive to catch the frisbee. See image on left.
Sky - Leaping to catch the frisbee at maximum height over a defender. Usually results in serious gratification for the skyer and deep embarrassment for the player who got skyed.
Spike - Throwing the frisbee violently onto the ground in celebration after scoring a point. Sometimes frowned on because of the possibility of a taco.
Steve - (British) Scoring a point when standing in the end zone and your marker runs away from you for no good reason. If you manage to shrug your shoulders before catching the frisbee it's called a "Full Steve".
Taco - A frisbee which has become warped because it has been stepped on or spiked.
Cherry Picker - Someone who frequently stands in or near the end zone so that he can catch a point scoring pass easily.
The Law of Conservation of Greatness - When a player makes a difficult & heroic catch then immediately throws a brick. Greatness is conserved because the heroic catch is balanced by the bad throw.
Greatest - Jumping to catch a frisbee which is headed out-of-bounds and throwing the frisbee again whilst in mid-air before landing out-of-bounds.
Hell Point - In games where substitutions are only allowed immediately after a point is scored, a Hell Point is a point which takes very long to score, leaving the players on the field feeling very tired.
Hospital Throw - A throw which stays in the air for a long period of time, allowing many players to get under the frisbee to try to catch it and thereby greatly increasing the chances of collisions, injuries & players having to be sent to hospital. See image on right.
Layout - A dive to catch the frisbee. See image on left.Sky - Leaping to catch the frisbee at maximum height over a defender. Usually results in serious gratification for the skyer and deep embarrassment for the player who got skyed.
Spike - Throwing the frisbee violently onto the ground in celebration after scoring a point. Sometimes frowned on because of the possibility of a taco.
Steve - (British) Scoring a point when standing in the end zone and your marker runs away from you for no good reason. If you manage to shrug your shoulders before catching the frisbee it's called a "Full Steve".
Taco - A frisbee which has become warped because it has been stepped on or spiked.
So the next time you're at Cafe Del Mar on a Sunday afternoon, look out for my small band of Ultimate players. We're getting better so you might see a nice layout or sky. Although right now it's mostly bricks and hospital throws :)
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
Best Application to Extend Time Ever
Lawyers are frequently over worked so applications to extend time are not unusual and a first such application is normally given (unless prejudice would be caused to the opposing side). But in all my years of legal practice, I have never seen an application like this one on the right.
If the picture is too small, the application reads:
Ever failed to complete some assignment and need an extension of time from your teacher or boss? In the legal world, when you need an extension of time from the Court, you sometimes have to file a written application for it.
Lawyers are frequently over worked so applications to extend time are not unusual and a first such application is normally given (unless prejudice would be caused to the opposing side). But in all my years of legal practice, I have never seen an application like this one on the right.If the picture is too small, the application reads:
"[The lawyer] respectfully requests another one-day extension, to Monday March 5, 2007 to respond to [the opposing side's] bill of costs. As grounds therefor, the undersigned states that she had almost completed this response on the due date ... but suspended her work in order to take a friend out to dinner for his birthday. When she came back, she was unable to finish it, due to the wine :-) ... Wherefore, inebriation constituting excusable neglect, and no prejudice inuring to the other parties, the court should grant the present extension, as it is in the interest of justice."
Not only did she ask for an extension of time because she got drunk, she also put a smiley emoticon in her legal pleading! Maybe she started in primary school by saying her dog ate her homework and gradually worked her way up the late excuse ladder?
It apparently worked though because it appears that the Judge granted her request for an extension of time! But I doubt I'll be using that excuse or smileys in my Court papers any time soon.
Monday, March 12, 2007
Horrorscope for the Week of 12th March
Something big is in your future. Please be sure to note the absence of any specific positives in that sentence.
Something big is in your future. Please be sure to note the absence of any specific positives in that sentence.
Labels: Horrorscope
Friday, March 09, 2007
My Name is Vanity, Sheer Vanity
Tonight I am attending the Singapore Business Awards at Ritz Carlton. It's a black tie affair so I pull out the tuxedo from my wardrobe and get my cumberbund and bowtie from the drawer. It's a miracle the pants and cumberbund still fit since I only wear the tux once or twice a year and I am reclaiming land around the waist faster than Singapore.
Once I got that out of the way, I began to think about the bowtie. For years I've been wearing a clip-on bowtie because I don't know how to tie a real bowtie. It has bothered me from time to time because it feels like not knowing how to tie a tie or how to tie your shoe laces. Sure, they have clip-on ties and velcro shoes nowadays but you get the impression that a real man should, at the very least, know how to tie a bowtie and wear a proper bowtie with his tuxedo.
Ordinarily, I could ignore the bowtie issue indefinitely as just another one of those issues at the back of my mind - like how I ignore the persistent backache whenever I golf or every girlfriend I've ever had. This time however, the issue came to the fore with this cool poster of the new James Bond film. Now it's not just knowing how to tie a bowtie. It's looking cool with the bowtie undone at the end of the evening - something which can only be done with a real bowtie.
So at lunchtime today I go to my tailor and explain the issue. To my surprise, he says all he has are clip-on, snap-on and velcro-on bowties. What's more, he doesn't know how to tie a real bowtie himself! Then he asks whether I would like to make another suit or shirt ...
I then spend the next half hour going from one tailor to another in Raffles Place until at last I found a shop that sells real bowties with matching cumberbunds AND they can teach me how to tie a bowtie! I have to say, it took me another half an hour to learn how to do it. It appears to me to be much more difficult than tying a tie. It's smaller, definitely requires use of a mirror and much easier to get wrong because the proportions have to be pretty exact.
Tonight I am attending the Singapore Business Awards at Ritz Carlton. It's a black tie affair so I pull out the tuxedo from my wardrobe and get my cumberbund and bowtie from the drawer. It's a miracle the pants and cumberbund still fit since I only wear the tux once or twice a year and I am reclaiming land around the waist faster than Singapore.
Once I got that out of the way, I began to think about the bowtie. For years I've been wearing a clip-on bowtie because I don't know how to tie a real bowtie. It has bothered me from time to time because it feels like not knowing how to tie a tie or how to tie your shoe laces. Sure, they have clip-on ties and velcro shoes nowadays but you get the impression that a real man should, at the very least, know how to tie a bowtie and wear a proper bowtie with his tuxedo.
Ordinarily, I could ignore the bowtie issue indefinitely as just another one of those issues at the back of my mind - like how I ignore the persistent backache whenever I golf or every girlfriend I've ever had. This time however, the issue came to the fore with this cool poster of the new James Bond film. Now it's not just knowing how to tie a bowtie. It's looking cool with the bowtie undone at the end of the evening - something which can only be done with a real bowtie.So at lunchtime today I go to my tailor and explain the issue. To my surprise, he says all he has are clip-on, snap-on and velcro-on bowties. What's more, he doesn't know how to tie a real bowtie himself! Then he asks whether I would like to make another suit or shirt ...
I then spend the next half hour going from one tailor to another in Raffles Place until at last I found a shop that sells real bowties with matching cumberbunds AND they can teach me how to tie a bowtie! I have to say, it took me another half an hour to learn how to do it. It appears to me to be much more difficult than tying a tie. It's smaller, definitely requires use of a mirror and much easier to get wrong because the proportions have to be pretty exact.
Fortunately, after half an hour, I sort of got the hang of it. Satisfied, I said I'll buy it.
"How much?"
"Five hundred and twenty-eight dollars," said the sales girl matter-of-factly.
"What? You've got to be joking! I could almost buy an entire suit for that price!"
"Sir, it's Ermenegildo Zegna, that's why it costs so much."
"Well do you have a bowtie and cumberbund from Rajah Cheapo & Sons of Bombay or something?" I ask with increasing alarm.
"Sorry sir, the only self-tie bowties we have are from Zegna."
So, reluctantly and mostly out of consideration for the staff who took half an hour to teach me how to tie it, I bought it.
"The name's Vanity, Sheer Vanity."
"It's a pleasure doing business with you Mr. Vanity."
Wednesday, March 07, 2007
Business Continuity after an Earthquake
I was in a small meeting room much of yesterday discussing how to proceed with a client's case. Shortly before noon, we noticed the building swayed slightly. It was the telltale sign that an earthquake had struck in Sumatra (the only place in the Pacific Ring of Fire close enough to Singapore for us to notice when a strong quake hits). Shortly after lunch, the building swayed again.
It wasn't long before news reports surfaced on the internet that a 6.3 Richter Scale quake had struck near Padang in Sumatra levelling hundreds of buildings and killing scores of people.
It also wasn't long before news that other buildings in downtown Singapore were being evacuated because staff didn't feel safe staying put for the rest of the day. And shortly thereafter, an email was sent to all our staff saying that the office will be closed for the day and they should leave if they don't have any urgent work to complete. Whilst they no doubt sympathised with the tragedy in Padang, many of the staff were of course pleased to have the afternoon off.
But I didn't have that luxury. I had to think of the worst case scenario and come up with a contingency plan. The worst case scenario is of course the situation where a quake strong enough to topple the building hits. In that event, we would lose the hundreds of documents and CD-ROMs concerning a very large case due for an arbitral hearing later this year. That's critical and I had to take action immediately to safeguard the documents.
The obvious choice was to move the documents out of the building but given the volume involved that would take too much time and I couldn't risk having some of the documents destroyed if the building collapsed during the moving process. I had no choice but to use the Pupils.
Pupils are recent graduates from law school who are during an internship with the firm before they can get called to the Bar and become qualified lawyers. They are enthusiastic and always willing to work insane hours because they're new and want to be retained by the firm as lawyers after they finish pupillage.
I therefore sent an email to the 2 pupils assigned to our team to inform them that unlike everyone else, they couldn't have the afternoon off. Instead, they were to cover the case documents with a plastic sheet and in the event that the building collapsed, they were to shield the documents with their bodies. Also, they are to make a flag and pole with the words "The [Client] Case Documents Are Here!" and keep it handy. To make sure the documents are easy to locate in the rubble, just before the walls and cealing cave in on them, the pupils are to spike the flag pole into their necks and throw themselves over the documents to protect them.
It was a bold and dangerous plan but for the sake of business continuity it had to be done. The pupils rotate to a different department next week so we'd get another 2 pupils next week anyway.
I was in a small meeting room much of yesterday discussing how to proceed with a client's case. Shortly before noon, we noticed the building swayed slightly. It was the telltale sign that an earthquake had struck in Sumatra (the only place in the Pacific Ring of Fire close enough to Singapore for us to notice when a strong quake hits). Shortly after lunch, the building swayed again.
It wasn't long before news reports surfaced on the internet that a 6.3 Richter Scale quake had struck near Padang in Sumatra levelling hundreds of buildings and killing scores of people.
It also wasn't long before news that other buildings in downtown Singapore were being evacuated because staff didn't feel safe staying put for the rest of the day. And shortly thereafter, an email was sent to all our staff saying that the office will be closed for the day and they should leave if they don't have any urgent work to complete. Whilst they no doubt sympathised with the tragedy in Padang, many of the staff were of course pleased to have the afternoon off.
But I didn't have that luxury. I had to think of the worst case scenario and come up with a contingency plan. The worst case scenario is of course the situation where a quake strong enough to topple the building hits. In that event, we would lose the hundreds of documents and CD-ROMs concerning a very large case due for an arbitral hearing later this year. That's critical and I had to take action immediately to safeguard the documents.
The obvious choice was to move the documents out of the building but given the volume involved that would take too much time and I couldn't risk having some of the documents destroyed if the building collapsed during the moving process. I had no choice but to use the Pupils.
Pupils are recent graduates from law school who are during an internship with the firm before they can get called to the Bar and become qualified lawyers. They are enthusiastic and always willing to work insane hours because they're new and want to be retained by the firm as lawyers after they finish pupillage.
I therefore sent an email to the 2 pupils assigned to our team to inform them that unlike everyone else, they couldn't have the afternoon off. Instead, they were to cover the case documents with a plastic sheet and in the event that the building collapsed, they were to shield the documents with their bodies. Also, they are to make a flag and pole with the words "The [Client] Case Documents Are Here!" and keep it handy. To make sure the documents are easy to locate in the rubble, just before the walls and cealing cave in on them, the pupils are to spike the flag pole into their necks and throw themselves over the documents to protect them.
It was a bold and dangerous plan but for the sake of business continuity it had to be done. The pupils rotate to a different department next week so we'd get another 2 pupils next week anyway.
Horrorscope for the Week of 5th March
Cancer and the StarCrab logo are the property of Zodiacorp Enterprises and may not be used without the company's express written permission.
Cancer and the StarCrab logo are the property of Zodiacorp Enterprises and may not be used without the company's express written permission.
Labels: Horrorscope
Thursday, March 01, 2007
Horrorscope for Week of 26th February
You may have thought you’ve already lost all hope, but this week you will lose your last additional bit of hope you never even realized you had until it was gone.
You may have thought you’ve already lost all hope, but this week you will lose your last additional bit of hope you never even realized you had until it was gone.
Labels: Horrorscope
